Planning Ahead

Recently, one of my friends had a birthday. (Happy belated birthday, Jeff!) His birthday happens to be December 21st, the day the apocalypse is scheduled to happen in 2012. Because one of the possibilities is a zombie apocalypse, my other friend and I put together a Zombie Survival Kit for our doomsday friend. We wrote out a pamphlet of explanations and suggestions for survival, so I thought that I'd share those with you. Read carefully, and start thinking: will you be prepared when the day comes?

(Disclaimer: This is a joke. ;)

Be prepared for the zombie apocalypse! It is predicted that on December 21st, 2012, society will crumble, the sky will explode with supernova stars, and the dead will rise from their graves. Therefore, you better be prepared to survive! That’s why we Scientists have put together a Zombie Survival Kit just for you! This manual will explain each component and suggest their uses.

THE CASE

First of all, you have to have something to hold your survival kit in. We recommend you contain your kit in a deceptive vessel--like a polka-dot purse, for example. Maybe even with a bow. No zombie would expect a self-respecting zombie fighter to hold their vital possessions in that sort of thing! Also, it would be helpful to put your intiials on it so you won’t get it confused with other kits if you happen across other humans (which, hopefully, you will).

THE COLOGNE

When zombies are running through cities and are pretty much around every corner, you will notice a distinct change in the general aroma. In other words, it’s going to reek like, well, dead people. Include cologne or perfume in your kit, as it will give you a breath of sweeter-smelling air, which, trust us, you are going to appreciate. In addition, zombies hate anything that doesn’t reek like the dead, so it will distract them when you are engaged in combat.

THE WATER BOTTLE

It is quite possible that you will leave the urban areas and head for the wilderness. In fact, we recommend it. However, while you are roughing it out in the woods, you lack the luxury of running water. Water is important. Without it, you’d become easy zombie food within three days. (Of course, by then they might leave you alone. You’d be all dry and shriveled up, like beef jerky. They want the juicy flesh. But still.) This water bottle is a reserve hydration system for a time of such need.

THE FRUIT SNACKS

Like with the water, you will want to have a reserve energy system. Even though you can go longer without food than you can without water, it’s a good idea to have a “just in case” snack. Try to save it as long as you can—try eating herbs or the soft part of tree trunks first. Don’t try anything you can’t identify though, it could be poison. Or No-No Berries. Those are not good, even though they look delicious and red and sweet. Don’t eat them. Eat your fruit snacks.

THE GAUZE PAD

This is what you resort to when you need to treat a deep laceration. Don’t waste this on just any wound, save it for one you know you can’t heal any other way. Try leaves or moss first to help the clotting. The gauze pad isn’t exactly reusable, so use it wisely!

BAND-AIDS

Do we really need to explain how to use band-aids?

Fine.

Peel off the paper and put the thicker, white part over your boo-boo. Try to save them for real boo-boos though. They can also be used as adhesives in building tools or weapons.

Lastly, an important element of a zombie survival kit is a weapon, like an ax or butcher knife. Or crossbow. Whatever you use, just remember, a zombie is terminated through beheading.

Happy Zombie Hunting!

Also, I hope everyone is having great Holidays and enjoying winter!

Ice Princess? No.

Have you ever seen the movie Ice Princess?

I have.

You are not allowed to watch it.

It came on a few weeks ago. I was flipping through channels with two of my friends, and we caught the part where Casey (the main character) was in an ice show. She did a double toe loop, and was promoted to Junior level.

What?

Afterwards, a little skater complained to the group that she was only passed to Novice level. Another skater told her, “That’s because you’re six.”

WHAT?

First of all, no.

Second of all: no, no six year old is in Novice level. And definitely not by being in one little ice show.

Third of all: NO, it takes more, way more, than a double toe to pass into the Junior level. And how did Casey learn to do a double toe anyway? According to the movie, she skated for a few months on a pond, did some physics calculations, and did a double toe loop.

I was a figure skater for eight years. Admittedly, I wasn’t in AP Physics for any of that time, but it took me about six YEARS to land a double toe loop. And at that time, I was in Pre-preliminary or Preliminary level. The real competitive levels go in this order:

• Pre-preliminary
• Preliminary
• Pre-juvenile
• Juvenile
• Intermediate
• Novice
• Junior
• Senior

 A skater usually doesn’t try for Pre-preliminary until they can land an axel consistently (a jump that I didn’t even land until I’d been skating five years, is considered the “milestone” jump, and takes on average one year to land after beginning axel training).

Furthermore, passing into a level requires not only freestyle tests, but also moves-in-the-field (edge moves) tests as well, which are also challenging. I don’t think that in the movie Casey even knew what brackets or power pulls were, let alone if she could do them continuously down the ice (just two examples of many). Also, you have to pass one level (both moves-in-the-field and freestyle) before you can advance to the next. In “Ice Princess” it appears Casey skips, um, Pre-preliminary, Preliminary, Pre-juvenile, Juvenile, Intermediate, and Novice levels after taking a few beginner group lessons. After over eight years, most of which I trained with private lessons, I was about to test for Intermediate level.

Another thing that I was put off by was the portrayal of the skaters themselves. No, the typical skater is not catty, airheaded, and faux-blonde. (Yes, some are, but then again, there are some of those everywhere.) It is rare that skaters or coaches run around sabotaging the competition. I met more dedicated, talented, and nice skaters than I met drama queens on the ice. I never once met a punk-rock figure skater that wore studded collars and ripped leather for her freestyle program. Also, in the freestyle (aka the nationally competitive) category, program music does not have words. It’s not allowed. That, people, is Hollywood dramatization.

That’s just off the top of my head, too. Imagine me ranting about this to my friends as the movie played. (Sorry, Tasha and Katie!) They eventually changed the channel. I was happy to let them.

On a lighter note, it’s snowing, and Christmas is just around the corner! Also, happy belated Chanukah!

Codes

Recently, I found an old journal of mine. I was enjoying reading about my past self until I came across a page that had only a few words in the center:

Jia, gyvysi timg, og auy dep'v sief 'ch'ot auy esi puv et exituni et auys lopfishesvep timg.

It took me a moment before I realized my past self was chastising my now present self. But because I realized what I'd written, I'd earned my past self's approval.

Yes, my past self was that cool.

The language I'd been writing in is called Patrickaen. My sister and I came up with it when I was six and she was four. "Language" is probably not the correct term, as it is derived from English and follows a pattern, but it sounds very awesome and foreign when spoken out loud.

Since I discovered that, I've been having fun having my friends try (and some succeed) to figure out the code. And every time I write in Patrickaen, I can feel my past self give me a high five. It's a good feeling.

The Future

I've always known what I want to do when I "grow up."

Well, aside from the obvious "author", that's not entirely true. I've had trouble choosing a career path (aka Author's Alternate/college major). So I guess a better phrase would be I've always known what i want to be when I "grow up" (the quotations mean that I'm using Grow Up to mean go to college, and get a job). I want to be doing something I enjoy, and that makes a difference in other people's lives.

Some careers I've considered have been teacher, marine biologist, and architectural engineer. But the one that really hit home was the most recent idea: forensic scientist. One, is there any better mystery novel research? And two, it fits my criteria: interesting, and important--it makes a difference.

The college study of forensic science where I am planning on going to college looks like an extremely tough course. Therefore, I'm working harder in my math and science classes to get a head start. Also, I'm taking a Crime Scene Investigation Class this spring-- can't wait!

(One of the downfalls, though, of having a career in mind is being so focused on preparing for the future that you lose the present. Sorry I've been lax in the blog post category!)